In 2001, while serving in the U.S. Navy, I was given a tremendous opportunity to provide physical fitness training to military personnel. I worked with all types of individuals ranging from males age 65, 300+ pounds to 20-year-old female fillies. We all had one thing in common: Mandatory Passing of Bi-Annual PRTs (Physical-Readiness Test). I was the person up-front and center at 4am screaming commands to the unit. Pseudo-cheerleader, divine-motivational individual, that was me. What I loved best about the opportunity was seeing the progress of the individuals I worked with. Day of the ‘test’ these individuals, who had struggled in years past, passed their particular requirements with flying colors. I made it a life mission to make this skill-set a full-time life position. The dream finally came true, starting slowly, in 2016.
It wasn’t until sometime late 2017 while reflecting over my past did I come to a space of thankfulness and forgiveness (towards myself). My reflection uncovered one major upset/change/relocation, ‘starting over’, systemic victory and crash, one after another. But what I have come to accept, and embrace was the level of fear and anguish I had to face and work through(undo) in order to grab onto a beautiful current of energy. All these events- upsets, crashes – happened for a reason! This new-found energy helped to uncover my true potential. It was the hardest and most rewarding experience I have ever had in my lifetime and I uncover nuances of my personal revelation EVERYDAY.
With that, I pay it forward. As a certified personal fitness trainer and Core Energetics Specialist, I work with individuals addressing physical, emotional and spiritual upsets/blockages. I provide a safe space for personal physical fitness training and alternative perspectives/constructs to uncover the ‘true self’. Let’s do this, together!
Over the years I have struggled with depression, anxiety, addiction, and a diagnosis of a chronic central nervous system disorder – Multiple Sclerosis – and my final decent into my personal hell of finally admitting I had a serious problem with alcohol. In 2016 I lost my family, friends (the few I had), depleted bank account, no job, and I contemplated ending my life. But God had other plans for me.
I experienced what I like to describe as a ‘Come to Jesus’ moment (thank you, Gran) and my life started to change the instant I ‘stopped fighting’. This CTJ moment came in two separate stages:
Stage 1) Multiple Sclerosis Diagnosis.
January 3, 2005 I woke up having incredible pain in my right shoulder and upper arm. I had just returned from a ski trip and passed it off as a pulled muscle. By mid-week, I was starting to lose sensation in my right arm and my fingers were struggling to find letters and numbers on my computer’s keyboard, my fingers would not move the way I wanted …..very bizarre, indeed. By the afternoon, the numbness was traveling down my leg. I drove to the Doc-In-A-Box, of which they rerouted me to the ER. They assumed I was having a stroke or heart attack, but alas. After being admitted to the ER I don’t recall much detail other than best described as a total physical shut down. At this point, God and I are face-to-face. I reintroduced myself to Him and asked for help.
Over the next few months the onset exacerbation continued. I was robbed of any strength; the chronic fatigue was paralyzing and my ability to communicate was becoming less and less everyday. I have a glimpse of what it is like for individuals caught in coma, trying to desperately communicate.
My comeback occurred in several stages which lasted 4-years. The quick version: Change of diet (maybe this is an allergy?), change of environment (I left my partner of 6 years-messy messy), change of daily practices (yoga, energy work, treadmill re-training, nature nature nature). I ran my first half-marathon post-diagnosis in November 2010 and my first marathon post-diagnosis January 2011. I’M BACK – Life is great!
NOT SO FAST, Ke-mo Sah-bee
Stage 2) Hi, my name is Jenn, I am an Alcoholic.
My day of grace is August 15, 2016. We don’t know what we don’t know, and honesty can be brutal. In my case, brutal, BRUTAL!! God did for me what I could not do for myself. It went something like this:
My relationship with my partner was disintegrating due to my LACK-OF (fill-in the blank). My drinking ramped from weekend to 7-days a week. I was a blackout drinker. I realized late in the game I couldn’t stop and was petrified to admit this to my partner. I was kicked out of the house, lost my ‘family’, I had no job, I had eleven dollars in my bank account, I wrecked my Jeep a month prior (loved that Jeep!), no job, no prospects, no, nothing, STOP, BE STILL!
By the way, being still SUCKS when your life is this chaotic, when your emotions are chaos, when you have no idea what the hell is going on ABOUT ANYTHING, the drinking is not working anymore, initial thought of “I am completely alone, what’s the point” PARALYZING! I am so uncomfortable I needed something or someone to help me do life on life terms. JUST TELL ME WHAT TO DO, I’LL STAND ON MY HEAD AND DANCE AROUND A TREE IF IT WILL MAKE ALL OF THIS GO AWAY!! GOD PLEASE HELP ME! HELP!!!!
Today, after immersing myself in The Program, intense therapy, personal training (the trainer has a trainer, YES! indeed!), school, lectures, allowing instead of doubting & cultivating a relationship with my higher power, today I have a life I never expected! I talk with and train people who inspire me everyday! Everyday, I wake up with purpose, and excitement and curiosity, which was never, ever the case the previous 45 years of my life.
More to come………